I have been soooo good lately not to get "into it" with people on Facebook but I failed this week. It's interesting after our class this week that I didn't remember how easily communication fails, especially when done electronically. It's really a poor substitute for the spoken word.
I try really hard to follow the habit, "seek first to understand and then be understood." It's important for me. I have realized over many years how much I can learn and my perspective can change, if not my actual beliefs, when I pipe down and really try to understand other people. However this tactic is often very one sided in electronic conversations and if the computer is the breeding ground then Facebook is the cesspool.
It's overwhelming to me how brave people get behind their computers when they would never dream of saying these things to you in person or even over the phone.
The sad part to me is how communication has deteriorated from well thought out and interesting insights to instant name calling, labeling and bullying. It's become the portal for anger disguised as knowledge. Saying something is wrong or lame or phobic doesn't make it true just because you believe it. We can't seem to have a conversation of understanding anymore (what do you think and why?). Now it's, "this is what I think and everyone who might think differently doesn't deserve my respect or better yet, a place on this planet. Now who's with me?" It's painful and it's tearing us as friends, families, neighbors, citizens, as humans, apart. Differences of opinions are great (it's the garden of the human race) and expressing them is a divine right. Shoving them on others and demanding acceptance is not. I love to communicate with people but I am done doing it if all they can do is point fingers, be nasty, call names, label people and constantly be close minded. I'm sad to say it but I know I'm right in this. :)
It almost seems like old rhetoric but even though we've heard it over and over doesn't mean it ISN'T true. The family is under attack. It is being bombarded with every possible crises to tear it apart. It's sad but true; there is no way to stop this. However, we can slow or stop the progress and it starts with our own families and most importantly, ourselves. A friend of mine said in a class post this week: "the word "crisis" in Greek means a turning point in a disease." In other words, we can use a crisis as an opportunity for changing course. If something isn't working and hasn't been for a long time, it's time for a new direction.
I don't know if it's because as humans we tend to be creatures of habit but life has a funny way of turning those habits into diseases which then come to a head in what we can typically define as a crisis.
How we deal with that crisis is within our control.
We can ask ourselves the following questions:
How have we dealt with the disease and subsequent crisis in the past?
Do you wish you would have done things differently?
Is it too late to do that now?
Is your family worth the effort it will take to make the change?
Are you willing to take responsibility for the crises that arise from what possibly isn't your disease or one that you asked for?
If your life can be made better, why wouldn't you do that?
Typically we don't make needed changes because we are fearful so what are you afraid of?
Are those realistic fears or made up fears and what would you do if you weren't afraid?
If you've been telling everyone your sob story, blaming everyone but yourself, go stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eye and tell it again. Can you lie to yourself? Are you really okay with being a victim? You're okay with letting someone or something hurt you over and over? What will you do differently?
My husband had a very interesting experience a while ago. One day, while resting through an illness, he had a dream. He saw all the past struggles in his life that he would define as major events or even crises and then he was able to recollect how he dealt with each event. The thought then came to him, what will you do differently now?
That is profound in that, the thought wasn't what would you do differently because we can't go back. It doesn't help and we can't change the past but we can do something different now.
A crisis doesn't need to make or break us. It can change us and put us on a different course, one that moves us away from the disease that was hurting us and others.
A few things about sex:
1. Men and women are very different when it comes to sex. Men get excited quicker and by sight. They climax quicker. Women take longer and are more aroused by touch. If we understand and incorporate these facts, couple can get on the same page and have a very fulfilling sex life.
2. Knowledge is power. Had I known these things as a newlywed, our sex life may have been dramatically different and some issues easily resolved.
3. Communication is key. Talk about things; the uncomfortable things.
4. Sex wanes when your kids are little but just seeing your husband vacuuming can be excellent foreplay. "Now?" is not.
5. Sex is not like in the movies. Well maybe the first time but that's about it. Until later. It's a dance; a messy dance and toes definitely get stepped on. But as you practice and practice and practice :), you start to enjoy the dance and begin to create something of beauty.
6. There is a very serious reason God tells us to wait to have sex until we are married and all the statistics show (again) He is right. Giving yourself to a person in a sexual way is something you can never get back, it damages self-esteem and a person will spend a long time trying to justify why it was okay for them. Your children are more likely to have premarital sex if you did, and children need two committed, loving parents to raise them. Premarital sex isn't about love. It's about hormones. Just wait. It's sooo worth the wait!
7. "Women first" isn't just for opening doors.
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