Last night in class, which I LOVED, by the way, we discussed theories, one of which was the systems theory. In short it says that every part of a "system" is affected when one part of the system is affected (in any way). 

We also discussed a couple that had found themselves in a bad cycle, not understanding each others point of view and not effectively communicating. The husband saved the marriage by breaking the cycle. This is so exciting and important to me! It's a fascinating subject and one that is  addressed by President Ezra Taft Benson ( http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng&query=beware+pride ) and other prophets and scripture and Christ, Himself. But I digress.

The most important part of this story is that even though one of the spouses may have been the perpetrator, it didn't matter. That was not discussed. Through therapy they realized that the cycle had to stop and the husband was presented with the first opportunity and he took it.  We all know the definition of insanity... and this couple saved their marriage by becoming sane again.

I have been on both sides of this coin in my marriage, thinking that my husband was at fault and I wasn't going to budge until he not only asked forgiveness but openly and boldly declared I was right all along. Bad choice. It creates a unevenness and a disconnect that are disruptive to the system and almost impossible to repair. 

The times where I have chosen to not care who was right but just acquiesce, I and consequently WE are quick to find our rhythm again and feel peace and as a result, a greater love for each other. 

So much of marital and familial discord can be overcome and eventually (because it's learning to dance together) avoided if I am willing to communicate openly and honestly, which means listening more than I talk and saying what I really mean, as vulnerable and as scary as that feels. And most importantly, we will not only succeed but find joy, if I am willing to let go of my pride and break the small but significant bad cycles that can develop. 

This concept is so valuable for relationships of all kind. Don't blame someone, just make a change. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEQAie8ABLE)

This week we were supposed to research some aspect of family that was interesting to us and as I did this assignment I started out looking at the effects of divorce on children. I think that merits a lot of study but as I researched that, I was led to the idea of pre-marital education. Interestingly enough, my mother had just brought over an article addressing the same topic. It is fascinating and frankly very exciting to me that pre-marriage classes are becoming an agenda item. I found an incredible website: http://www.nwamarriages.com/ which I think should be a role model for all states. We spend $1000.00 for 1 parent family care to every $1.00 spent on pre-marital education. We are steeped in defense or treatment instead of offense or preventative care. How many more goals are made by offense than by defense?

So what I am thinking is that for part of my education I would like to put together pre-marital education classes and present them to the city and county as part of getting a marriage license. We can offer a discount toward the license if they sign up for and complete the course together. This gets me super excited!!! 

Another thought: free or very low cost marriage counseling to those qualifying  in lower income tax brackets. It could potentially save us millions, if not billions in 1 parents and poverty stricken households...but that's for another entry.

Research, in any form, is ambiguous and for a multitude of reasons. There are so many contributing factors to collection and interpretation of data which can be  skewed by human factors. Of course, there are statistical tests that confirm findings mathematically. However, there is always a margin of error associated and human error should factor in.

My husband is finishing his Doctoral dissertation and the research he did was prone to several errors because after creating a research tool, he did the research himself. There is no computer program that can read and analyze the data he was studying so human error could and probably does run rampant throughout his research.

I am not saying it shouldn't be done but I think in ALL findings, one must study with an open mind and with logic and wisdom.  It can be skewed due to so many factors, even down to how the researcher felt that day. 

Interesting research that I feel is skewed....

"We asked voters on this poll whether they think interracial marriage should be legal or illegal- 46% of Mississippi Republicans said it should be illegal to just 40% who think it should be legal."
http://publicpolicypolling.blogspot.com/2011/04/barbour-bryant-lead-in-mississippi.html


Several reasons this research could be misleading:
1. Did the respondents understand clearly the question? "Legal or not legal" can be confusing, misleading or  easily misunderstood.

2. Did the respondents get confused with difference between interracial marriage and same sex marriage, which is a hot topic right now?

3. How old are the Republican respondents? In my experience, the older generation has issues with interracial marriages where the younger generation doesn't even consider it.

4. Did younger Republicans actually answer this question or did they hang up or quit answering because of the legitimacy of the question?

5. How many respondents refused to answer this question because it was leading? i.e. are you racist?

6. No information was given on the sample size and how they were obtained. Was it voluntary (people who were contacted that were lonely or bored)? Were the respondents forced to pick a party even though they may not be registered or vote across party lines? Are the respondents even registered voters?

7. The rest of the poll had nothing to do with marriage of any kind. The poll was about candidates (none of which made a statement on interracial marriage). Was that question thrown in there as a deterrent or was it the primary reason for the poll only to be buried by a myriad of other non related questions?

There are so many variables to the outcome of a simple question that you cannot take the answers at face value. They are good for consideration but should be examined with a very critical eye.

I am trying to learn how to blog on Weebly. I heard it was easier but I'm finding it is not. Blogging makes me feel weird and kinda stupid. What sounds great in my head just doesn't flow that well on paper...or whatever. I also must have a bit of a self esteem issue because I feel self conscious writing my thoughts, wondering if people will ever read them and if so, will they harshly judge me. Anyhoo, since it's an assignment, here goes