Our assigned study this week, and last week, was about relationships and selecting a life partner. Most of my reading came from the textbook, "Marriage & Family; The quest for intimacy" by Lauer and Lauer (8th edition)

What a topic! 

I was intrigued in our class this week at the gender discussion and the same-sex attraction discussion. I could have stayed there for hours. (I do try very hard not to raise my hand very much because I KNOW I could monopolize the entire discussion because it's so fascinating to me but this week, I didn't do so well in my quest to keep my hand in it's pocket.)

A couple of main points that struck me in my study are this:

1. We are created with predetermined gender genes. That is "who I am."  I also come with predisposed character traits. I AM a girl and that cannot be changed but I am not my character traits because I can choose to follow those and use them or ignore them and obtain different ones. This is fundamental to me in regards to God's plan. Biology predisposes people to certain behaviors, nature gives us experiences that influences those behaviors and God gives us the choice in how we will behave.

2. Science is not absolute and just because the media reports on something doesn't make it true. The media is there to make money and media ethics and integrity has all but left the station. 

3. Men and women are made different. Men's brains and bodies work differently than women's and I believe that it's in God's infinite wisdom that we are told to marry someone from the opposite sex and be bound for eternity and then make it work. We need to be grateful for the gender we are and be grateful for the wonderful things our spouse brings to the marriage but we also need to learn from one another and incorporate the good traits that we learn. A timid woman can become more assertive. A unthinking man can become more sensitive. These are great attributes for all humans.

4. If women want true equality, do not ask to have tests and challenges changed for you. Work hard to meet the standards that have been set. If you cannot do the tasks the job requires, either get that way or let it go. If a woman can't lift me out of a burning building, she shouldn't be a fire fighter. I know a lot of women want to be able to be bosses and earn the same money and so forth but they need to consider first, what are they willing to sacrifice? If you are willing to sacrifice raising your children to let someone else do it, it's probably better that you don't have any children. Be willing to sacrifice your desire to have it all for having a really good part of some of it.

I have very strong feelings about the mirage of wealth and opportunities. Now that I have raised my children, lived in several different areas and been around all sorts of income levels, I would vehemently argue that after a certain amount of income, your life, happiness, and success, is not based on your wealth. I am the product of parents with limited income who managed their finances meticulously and we lived happily and with all that we needed. Sure, I wanted more but in mature hindsight, I was fine without it and better off without it.

A great example of this is the study we read about Mexican illegal immigrants moving to the US to make a better life for their children. Yes, their children learned English and got somewhat of an American education but at what cost?? Their family life suffered due to separation caused by time and distance. It is heartbreaking to see that these families are willing to trade family relations for a better life which translated means, more opportunities means more money. They exchange time because the father typically spends more hours at work than he did in Mexico and the Mom now works where as in Mexico most of the mothers stayed home. They also trade time with extended family because of course now they do not live anywhere near them and cannot travel to see them because of the legality and expense. The children spend a lot of time alone because the parents are both working long hours and the children also have undo pressure placed upon them to make sure the parents can make it in this foreign country. And all this negative impact, for what? So that their kids don't have to go through the same financial constraints the parents did. However, the children in turn have forgone a childhood of security. It was stated in the study that many, if not most, of the illegal immigrant youth turned to drugs and gangs because of their loneliness and the desire to fit in to this foreign culture.


What if the parents had stayed in Mexico, the father worked hard, they lived frugally, spent quality time together, spent time with extended family, stayed out of drugs and gangs, went to school, studied English (even as a family) and stayed together? The outcome of the children's lives and is well worth having a little less. The idea of giving up our families for the sake of the children's success is a painful juxtaposition and one that most likely will not produce the desired results. The children will suffer and for what?

A Little Story
A businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The businessman complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while.

The businessman then asked why he didn't stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The businessman then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time? The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos; I have a full and busy life, señor."

The businessman scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and I could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats; eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor and eventually open your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City where you would run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But señor, how long will this all take?" To which the businessman replied, "15-20 years." "But what then, señor?" The businessman laughed and said, "That's the best part! When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions." "Millions, señor? Then what?" The businessman said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "Isn't that what I'm doing right now?"
 - Author Unknown

Talking to my sister about this very idea I started to realize that some of my greatest memories growing up were playing crazy games with my sisters, like burying them in the couch and laying on them and complaining about how lumpy the couch was and us laughing and laughing so hard. We also would go on long walks and sing at the top of our lungs and laughing and running away when the ornery neighbor yelled out his door at us to shut up. We laughed about traveling in our tiny hot car all over the west coast and all the great memories of being smooshed in the back seat. I remember swimming in the lake with my Dad and talking to my mom forever about my problems while she would sew. I loved watching Amadeus every Sunday with my sisters and finally quoting and singing the entire movie because it was the only movie we were allowed to watch on Sundays (the old rated PG version).

It's most important thing is to teach your children to work hard and to look for wise opportunities.  Money is not important and death is proof of that.