Last night in class, which I LOVED, by the way, we discussed theories, one of which was the systems theory. In short it says that every part of a "system" is affected when one part of the system is affected (in any way).
We also discussed a couple that had found themselves in a bad cycle, not understanding each others point of view and not effectively communicating. The husband saved the marriage by breaking the cycle. This is so exciting and important to me! It's a fascinating subject and one that is addressed by President Ezra Taft Benson ( http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng&query=beware+pride ) and other prophets and scripture and Christ, Himself. But I digress.
The most important part of this story is that even though one of the spouses may have been the perpetrator, it didn't matter. That was not discussed. Through therapy they realized that the cycle had to stop and the husband was presented with the first opportunity and he took it. We all know the definition of insanity... and this couple saved their marriage by becoming sane again.
I have been on both sides of this coin in my marriage, thinking that my husband was at fault and I wasn't going to budge until he not only asked forgiveness but openly and boldly declared I was right all along. Bad choice. It creates a unevenness and a disconnect that are disruptive to the system and almost impossible to repair.
The times where I have chosen to not care who was right but just acquiesce, I and consequently WE are quick to find our rhythm again and feel peace and as a result, a greater love for each other.
So much of marital and familial discord can be overcome and eventually (because it's learning to dance together) avoided if I am willing to communicate openly and honestly, which means listening more than I talk and saying what I really mean, as vulnerable and as scary as that feels. And most importantly, we will not only succeed but find joy, if I am willing to let go of my pride and break the small but significant bad cycles that can develop.
This concept is so valuable for relationships of all kind. Don't blame someone, just make a change. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEQAie8ABLE)
We also discussed a couple that had found themselves in a bad cycle, not understanding each others point of view and not effectively communicating. The husband saved the marriage by breaking the cycle. This is so exciting and important to me! It's a fascinating subject and one that is addressed by President Ezra Taft Benson ( http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng&query=beware+pride ) and other prophets and scripture and Christ, Himself. But I digress.
The most important part of this story is that even though one of the spouses may have been the perpetrator, it didn't matter. That was not discussed. Through therapy they realized that the cycle had to stop and the husband was presented with the first opportunity and he took it. We all know the definition of insanity... and this couple saved their marriage by becoming sane again.
I have been on both sides of this coin in my marriage, thinking that my husband was at fault and I wasn't going to budge until he not only asked forgiveness but openly and boldly declared I was right all along. Bad choice. It creates a unevenness and a disconnect that are disruptive to the system and almost impossible to repair.
The times where I have chosen to not care who was right but just acquiesce, I and consequently WE are quick to find our rhythm again and feel peace and as a result, a greater love for each other.
So much of marital and familial discord can be overcome and eventually (because it's learning to dance together) avoided if I am willing to communicate openly and honestly, which means listening more than I talk and saying what I really mean, as vulnerable and as scary as that feels. And most importantly, we will not only succeed but find joy, if I am willing to let go of my pride and break the small but significant bad cycles that can develop.
This concept is so valuable for relationships of all kind. Don't blame someone, just make a change. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEQAie8ABLE)
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