The first man in my life!
The best man in my life!
The other man in my life!
Fatherhood is like clothing. You can live without it but no one should have to and you never feel complete. I have been the beneficiary of excellent examples of fatherhood throughout my life beginning with my own father, who rarely went a day without telling me how much he loved me. My father-in-law, who exemplifies all that the Savior taught and is and my sweet husband who is the bravest man I’ve ever met. I am very drawn to the role of fatherhood, which incidentally made for a quite a struggle on my mission because I went with the preconceived notion that my mission president would be a father figure for me but was actually more of a CEO and very impersonal. I struggled immensely with that; not having a Dad close to rely on and being unable to call my own. However, because of that struggle, I came to know my Heavenly Father intimately, which has ingrained in me the absolute necessity for a present and active father in each person’s life.
The 5 points of Fatherhood: I have chosen to make my five points from two different articles: The Science of Fatherhood: Why Dad’s matter (http://www.livescience.com/20997-science-fatherhood-fathers-day.html) and The Involved Father (http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_roles/the_involved_father.aspx) .
1. Fathers prepare their children for life differently. Mother’s tend to teach their children about kindness, tenderness, and similar attributes. Involved fathers teach their children about the harsh realities of life which prepare them to face the world and navigate crises as they grow and develop. Combined mothering and fathering allow for the child to be more well-rounded and high functioning.
2. Fathers have a strong influence on their children’s human interaction development. Children learn acceptable human interaction and physical behavior from contact with their fathers through physical contact (wrestling, rough-housing, intimate moments), how the father treats the mother and other females, how they communicate with children and peers, and how they deal with “hard” people. For some reason, probably associated with the Alpha-male pattern, children are clearly affected by the father’s interactions with others and the children, themselves.
3. Fathers are influential in helping their children develop drive and persistence. If a father exhibits these qualities with an authoritative parenting style (clear boundaries with appropriate freedoms), children are much more likely to mirror their father which in turn leads to more involvement in proper activities and less delinquency.
4. A father’s love is paramount in feelings of security and self-worth. Ronald Rohner, the director of the Center for the Study of Interpersonal Acceptance and Rejection at the University of Connecticut conducted a study found in the journal, Personality and Social Psychology Review, which concluded that knowledge of a fathers love is a better predictor of a child’s happiness and overall satisfaction than the knowledge of a mother’s love.
5. We see ourselves through our Father’s eyes. Elder James E. Faust, in his talk, Father, Come Home, quoted noted scholar, Karl Zinsmeister as saying, “research also shows that fathers are critical in the establishment of gender in children. Interestingly, fatherly involvement produces stronger sexual identity and character in both boys and girls. It is well established that the masculinity of sons and the femininity of daughters are each greater when fathers are active in family life.” (http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1993/04/father-come-home?lang=eng) As we have learned in class, we pick up on cues and labels that are placed upon us and fathers would have a magnificent influence in that area, again because of the Alpha-male pattern. As our father thinketh, so are we.
My father:
As mentioned above, my father is a very loving man. He is always kissing my forehead, telling me how much he loves me and very eager to help me with anything I ask. I was adopted at 2 days old. Legend has it that my teenage birthmother had essentially a one night stand with a stranger so my biological father is a complete mystery. However, I have never felt slighted because I have been genuinely loved by my dad. Strangely, my dad and I are very similar. We see the world very much the same way. We have a similar sense of humor, a great love for other people and the outdoors and we love to work together.
My dad always included me in projects, even when I would have rather not been so included. I have many fond memories of gardening, adding on to our house, building furniture, fixing cars, lawn care, vacationing, driving, camping, running workshops and grading papers with my dad. He found a way to include me in most everything he did and we still do a lot of this, even though I’m old and he is older.
As a result of all the time I have spent with my father, I am much more drawn to men, in general. I am more comfortable around men, can relate to men better, and am drawn to more masculine tasks. I don’t understand women very well because even though I had a mother and four sisters, I spent the most time with my dad.
Ensuring Fatherly Involvement:
My 16 year old daughter and I have an interesting bond. I am a sucker for enabling her during hard times. Last August, we moved her out to Chicago to live with family and attend High School there. I knew that if she called me crying that I would give in so we made the agreement that every time she called, Dad would answer first and assess the nature of the call. If everything was going well, she could talk to me but if she was struggling, it was Dad’s turf. I have to say, it’s worked fabulously! He knows what to say to inspire her to keep on keeping on.
As I have contemplated my husband’s role in my life and my children’s life, I realize that he is truly the foundation that keeps us grounded. The one attribute that describes him is humility. He admits his weaknesses and is always the first to apologize in any misunderstanding or altercation.
He has been working on his education since we were married 19 years ago and yet has raised competent and reasonably well-adjusted children, maintained a very happy marriage, served in various church callings, and worked on improving his own issues. He has been the example to us all of how to be well-rounded. (He completed his Ed.D. this week! I'm married to a Doctor!)
My daughter told me the other day that a Young Women’s leader asked her about her dad and my daughter said she started crying so hard she couldn’t talk. She was finally able to blubber, “He’s perfect.” I honestly don’t know what he could do better and he certainly doesn’t need my help doing it.
The 5 points of Fatherhood: I have chosen to make my five points from two different articles: The Science of Fatherhood: Why Dad’s matter (http://www.livescience.com/20997-science-fatherhood-fathers-day.html) and The Involved Father (http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_roles/the_involved_father.aspx) .
1. Fathers prepare their children for life differently. Mother’s tend to teach their children about kindness, tenderness, and similar attributes. Involved fathers teach their children about the harsh realities of life which prepare them to face the world and navigate crises as they grow and develop. Combined mothering and fathering allow for the child to be more well-rounded and high functioning.
2. Fathers have a strong influence on their children’s human interaction development. Children learn acceptable human interaction and physical behavior from contact with their fathers through physical contact (wrestling, rough-housing, intimate moments), how the father treats the mother and other females, how they communicate with children and peers, and how they deal with “hard” people. For some reason, probably associated with the Alpha-male pattern, children are clearly affected by the father’s interactions with others and the children, themselves.
3. Fathers are influential in helping their children develop drive and persistence. If a father exhibits these qualities with an authoritative parenting style (clear boundaries with appropriate freedoms), children are much more likely to mirror their father which in turn leads to more involvement in proper activities and less delinquency.
4. A father’s love is paramount in feelings of security and self-worth. Ronald Rohner, the director of the Center for the Study of Interpersonal Acceptance and Rejection at the University of Connecticut conducted a study found in the journal, Personality and Social Psychology Review, which concluded that knowledge of a fathers love is a better predictor of a child’s happiness and overall satisfaction than the knowledge of a mother’s love.
5. We see ourselves through our Father’s eyes. Elder James E. Faust, in his talk, Father, Come Home, quoted noted scholar, Karl Zinsmeister as saying, “research also shows that fathers are critical in the establishment of gender in children. Interestingly, fatherly involvement produces stronger sexual identity and character in both boys and girls. It is well established that the masculinity of sons and the femininity of daughters are each greater when fathers are active in family life.” (http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1993/04/father-come-home?lang=eng) As we have learned in class, we pick up on cues and labels that are placed upon us and fathers would have a magnificent influence in that area, again because of the Alpha-male pattern. As our father thinketh, so are we.
My father:
As mentioned above, my father is a very loving man. He is always kissing my forehead, telling me how much he loves me and very eager to help me with anything I ask. I was adopted at 2 days old. Legend has it that my teenage birthmother had essentially a one night stand with a stranger so my biological father is a complete mystery. However, I have never felt slighted because I have been genuinely loved by my dad. Strangely, my dad and I are very similar. We see the world very much the same way. We have a similar sense of humor, a great love for other people and the outdoors and we love to work together.
My dad always included me in projects, even when I would have rather not been so included. I have many fond memories of gardening, adding on to our house, building furniture, fixing cars, lawn care, vacationing, driving, camping, running workshops and grading papers with my dad. He found a way to include me in most everything he did and we still do a lot of this, even though I’m old and he is older.
As a result of all the time I have spent with my father, I am much more drawn to men, in general. I am more comfortable around men, can relate to men better, and am drawn to more masculine tasks. I don’t understand women very well because even though I had a mother and four sisters, I spent the most time with my dad.
Ensuring Fatherly Involvement:
My 16 year old daughter and I have an interesting bond. I am a sucker for enabling her during hard times. Last August, we moved her out to Chicago to live with family and attend High School there. I knew that if she called me crying that I would give in so we made the agreement that every time she called, Dad would answer first and assess the nature of the call. If everything was going well, she could talk to me but if she was struggling, it was Dad’s turf. I have to say, it’s worked fabulously! He knows what to say to inspire her to keep on keeping on.
As I have contemplated my husband’s role in my life and my children’s life, I realize that he is truly the foundation that keeps us grounded. The one attribute that describes him is humility. He admits his weaknesses and is always the first to apologize in any misunderstanding or altercation.
He has been working on his education since we were married 19 years ago and yet has raised competent and reasonably well-adjusted children, maintained a very happy marriage, served in various church callings, and worked on improving his own issues. He has been the example to us all of how to be well-rounded. (He completed his Ed.D. this week! I'm married to a Doctor!)
My daughter told me the other day that a Young Women’s leader asked her about her dad and my daughter said she started crying so hard she couldn’t talk. She was finally able to blubber, “He’s perfect.” I honestly don’t know what he could do better and he certainly doesn’t need my help doing it.
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